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15th-Oct-2009 03:59 pm - Now check this out

Indoctrination is limited when it has to do with furthering one's own agenda for self-accommodation purposes. Indoctrination is also limited when one's perspective is limited. But then again, no one is omniscient. Therefore, the indoctrination attempt should not necessarily be based on one's literal amount of information (as this can be misused or misdirected, although it is certainly valuable when not misused). Effective indoctrination is based more on authentic intent and wisdom. How is wisdom attained? Through consistent humility (which means a consistent focus on the search for a valid source not based on yourself). This valid source is truth.

Effective indoctrination is not convincing others to believe in your own conclusions based on yourself, and effective indoctrination does not necessarily require convincing. Know that you yourself are not convincing.

Effective indoctrination does not program a particular conclusion into someone, and effective indoctrination does not give someone the tools to reach that conclusion while denying acknowledgement of the very conclusion itself. It is important to feed an individual what they are capable of digesting, while attempting to fully preserve the substantial value of what is being fed (some conclusions or tools have greater substantial value than others. The greater the substantial value, the greater the validity). Should that which is considerably lacking in substantial value be outright condemned? It's hard to say. Although that which is lacking obviously should not be sought, perhaps unfortunate encounters with such may help us to have greater authentic appreciation for that which is greater in substantial value.

A three-year-old may be able to digest a particular conclusion, while experiencing the benefits of examples of a particular valid conclusion (validity is always beneficial in the long-run because it is not short-lived).

Someone who is older may not digest a particular conclusion in this way, reason being: they are not totally impressionable (which makes the indoctrination attempt more complicated). In addition the programming of a conclusion into an older individual is a method which feels humanly detached. Example: "Here is a pamphlet describing my philosophies, you should adhere to them too. Goodbye, have a nice day!"

It may be more appropriate to hand an older individual tools over a process of time, but it truly varies with every individual, with every circumstance, and with whatever your preferences are in the attempt to go about the indoctrination process. If the tools are truly intended to be substantial, why anticipate a particular conclusion? If the conclusion is truly intended to be substantial, why be particular about the tools? It is logical for substantial parts to contribute to a whole. Reality is always revealing itself - we merely contribute to the awareness of it as a whole through continuous seeking and preserving that which has greater substance.

If some feel the need to explore ideas of various substance continuously, so be it. Although with our reasoning ability, I doubt it is required to explore literally every corner of existence if it is truly the seeker's intention to seek (seeking that is for the sake of reality, rather than for the sake of oneself).

Tools that are verbal should be more logic-inclined whereas conclusions can be more love-inclined (love is seemingly hard to base logic on because of its contingency, therefore when conveying love verbally perhaps it is best to do so through logic).

As long as the tools (and/or tools involving conclusions) are substantial enough in its value (some tools are more substantial than others of course)... guess what particular conclusions (and/or conclusions involving tools) this particular individual is more likely to, almost inevitably, stumble upon? Are you aware of what that is?

It is love God. The conclusions and tools with substantial validity are based on love (logic cannot exist without love God). Can we not all agree that the overall goal is to seek and preserve that which does not conflict (logic)? Even if at times this attempt may inevitably require confrontation to greater or lesser degrees, or even if at times this attempt may require zero retaliation?

Is there a formula explaining how to go about such an indoctrination process? An instructional guideline of some sort? Maybe. But the effectiveness of the indoctrination attempt is not based on any method. Rather it is based on the moment-to-moment persevering sincerity of the intent to be a reflection of valid ideals (love God), and to seek/preserve such ideals at even the cost of yourself (very logical, yet seemingly impossible... unless the source of one's motivation is love God).

1st-Feb-2009 10:15 am(no subject)
27th-Dec-2008 05:11 pm - Be thankful..
peace & joy
..for circumstances which cause you to resort to faith.

Off-topic note to self: I find it amusing that those who have encouraged me in the past are a little silently surprised at my improvement. Did they not really believe the encouragement they gave me? This is fine, because humility allows people like us to be better authentically nurtured even off of simple scraps.

Was I really that shy or socially awkward? Am I still? Wow, because I get the impression from others that: for me to have a little bit of normal energy is a significant improvement. Did I look worse than I felt, or did I feel worse than I looked? I'll never know, I don't really know how I'm perceived because I haven't sought enough consistent confirmation about myself from others.

In social situations I can become so rigid and so scared, that I can't interact or function... unless they are friends who know me pretty well. Maybe it's not that bad anymore? I hate that feeling, I hate it so much. Having to be around people for a few hours, and then having to feel like I can't relax on a moment-to-moment basis. It's torture. I'm still amazed at how disconnected my feelings were from my consciousness. After writing this down I still have a tendency to impulsively think, "Wait I'm lying, it's just my own fault that I'm not more social." But no... actually I'm not lying. I hate it when people convince me I'm at fault for something I didn't do, and I hate it when I start to believe them.

We know the last thing I will do is try to gain power through self-victimization. From what I've written, we have a pretty good idea of what my general intentions are. I've learned to trust myself more, and it's liberating.

I'm convinced many people subconsciously believe that good social image is either inherent in us, or else we may as well always be hopeless to ever attaining it. Oh, I've seen it. Yes I understand rejection, and how much more difficult it then becomes to prove you are really more worthy than rejection. How much more difficult it then becomes to counter the former unwanted reputation you endured. Is reputation everything? In our world, yes. Does true credibility, or true substance, matter? In our world, no. It's why Jesus was crucified, and why some of us only continue to be. Is a good reputation a bad thing altogether? No not at all, logically-speaking it is complementary to substance.

You see though, when image alone is being cultivated that's when pride starts to block substance altogether. Substance, totally non-compromised,should be cultivated regardless of whatever continuously changing reputation will be attached to it.

Advice for self: I have to change any negative perceptions I may have about myself. I don't know if I've worked on this in my journal very much, so I'll have to start consciously telling myself good things (until it becomes more ingrained). I am awesome, yes I am. I am an awesome person. Awesome am I. Sue is an awesome person. She is cool. She is good. She is a bunch of good adjectives. Good adjectives = she. Good good good. I reeeeally should've worked on this in my journal more, oh well. I have to start reeeeeally believing good things about myself, I have to start believing that I am really good. Really really good. Wonderful good. And I wonder why I have no motivation in life? Love your neighbor as yourself. I think that I have learned to like myself, but I don't really love myself. Not in the same way that I love people, oooh definitely not. I love people waaaaaaay more than I love myself. Don't be afraid to love yourself, start loving yourself. *sigh* I mean, it feels as though nothing else will work. That's it. I need to love myself, not like myself. Love myself. If I don't love myself, then I won't allow anyone to love me either... because of some weird idea that I'm undeserving (hmmm.. hm. So have we finally uncovered the anti-social problem here?)

Goals for self: If you must set goals, then make them very small and consistently achievable. Achievable on perhaps a daily basis. If your goals are too large and you are less frequently satisfied, you will only become increasingly discouraged. Make consistently small achievable goals, because in this way you will be more consistently happy. This will help you to live in the present.

If you do not do this, then you will simply be more consistently unhappy. Yes, it's true. Be like children. Don't toddlers get lovingly praised for every first step when they are learning to walk?
23rd-Dec-2008 10:32 pm - HIATUS
Just because it is now easier for me to let go.

And I'd like to read/comment your entries more.
23rd-Dec-2008 10:14 pm - Confidence
peace & joy
I act like I know what I'm talking about, and the truth is I do because I am not one to pretend or seek shallow attention. I am not one to bs, at least not intentionally anyway. Yes it's true, I have the ability to extend my own identity through my opinions. I have feelings and I have opinions, my existence is valid like everyone else's.. is it not? Do I not deserve to be acknowledged?

Someone lied to me, and you know what I believed it -_-.

Suddenly when people view me as competent, I am almost confused. I feel almost inclined to convince you that really I am stupid. What? You're listening to me? Me?

Do you see this pattern I have adhered to for so long? What's goin' on?

Yet still. My mother wants me to continue to try to develop a relationship with my dad. Or with Joe. The morons who think I'm some kind of person whose feelings should be laughed at. "Oh you're upset? Oh you're happy? HA HA HA. Oh you're a handful." As for Joe, did you think I was just some kind of stupid nun-wannabe. I was ready to join that convent you loser. I feel so insulted that you probably think I was unable to resist some kind of irresistible temptation of some sort, resulting in the renouncing of my religious vocation. I DON'T THINK THAT WAY YOU IDIOT. IT'S BECAUSE I AM FOLLOWING GOD'S CALLING FOR ME. Sometimes I just want to HATE THESE ANNOYING PEOPLE WHO ARE MY SO-CALLED "PARENTS". Who knows, maybe I am still called to the convent. I talked with Mrs. O'Hearn tonight, and she pointed out that I shouldn't be so sure that I'm not called to the convent... just to make sure I am totally obedient to God's will for me. She's right, and I do want to do God's will. If He wants me to go to the convent, then I want to go. If He wants me to be in marriage, then that is what I want. I still want to make absolute sure and keep a lookout for the convent too (in case God wants me there). Of course that is my goal, to do exactly what God wants. I want to be the best I can be when it comes to truth. Without truth, life is confusing. Mrs. O'Hearn is right; it's better that until I really know God's will for me... I continue to remain totally open to what He wants. Quoting my roommate: "You know when you know when you know, that you know." I suppose now I need to talk less, and listen more.

Now I feel a combination of angry/upset. Will I ever make it through school. I know for sure I will see Denise or a therapist of some sort, but only to help me with the finishing touch-ups. Clarification, if you will. I did all the substantial work myself. I need to start talking to actual real-life people more. No more updating, no matter how sad/angry/happy I am. Pleeease.

I know I need to forgive. I'm going to do my best to think more in terms of forgiveness.

Something that might help me: What does God think of me? What is His opinion of me? What does God think of me? What does God think of me? What are the qualities God sees in me? What does He think? What does He think of me? What does He think, of me? Me? What does God think of me? What does God think of me? What does He think of me? What is it that God sees in me?

That's all that matters. That. Is. All. That. Matters.

Note to self: The key to a relationship with Jesus? Persistence and trust.
23rd-Dec-2008 02:12 pm - I worry..
..that I could fall back into suffering because of over analyzing. Or over concern for others. Or pride on my part. Or something..

WHAT'S THE POINT. Worrying is useless. According to St. John Vianney God forbids us to worry, and commands us to pray.
23rd-Dec-2008 02:04 pm - Holiness..
..requires simply an entire shift of focus toward what already intimately surrounds you.
Article: "Caring for Your Introvert"

How many people are introverts? I performed exhaustive research on this question, in the form of a quick Google search. The answer: About 25 percent. Or: Just under half. Or—my favorite—"a minority in the regular population but a majority in the gifted population."

Nice. Now there is a confidence boost for myself.

I know I'm an introvert, but I also know that I really have been prone to being shy or anxious or depressed. It may be helpful for me to know that, we really do live in a world of extroverts.

Am I misunderstood? I don't know. With all that I think about, how could I possibly expect to be understood perfectly by people I interact with on a daily basis? And how many people would bother to wrack their brain about all this? Maybe they are the normal ones. Don't get me wrong I'd love to explain, but how often are people willing to listen? I can't tell you how many small-talk attempts I've butchered, heh. "Hi I'm Sue nice to meet you, what's your name? So what's your religion again? Oooh you believe that? Why? How do you feel about that? Oh it was because of such and such event in your life... oh." *insert solemnly awkward silence here*

I must just be inwardly intense as a person, as the other INFJ's also claim about themselves (I wonder if that freaks people out, but eh. What do I care what people think. I don't care, I really don't. I care about truth more than people. But truth in turn causes me to care about people, so you see it all works out).

Sure like everyone I can be misunderstood, but I don't believe in telling the world they need to try to adapt to my introversion (especially since it seems we introverts are the exception anyway). Understanding is one thing, yes please. Please try to understand us. Please always do your best to be kind and understanding toward everyone. But don't change who you are--God loves you the way you are!

Besides, the world generally revolving around extroverts (who statistically seem to be majority) seem to be how the natural course of things are. No doubt extroverts will dominate politics and media and other such influential outspoken positions, what did you expect? If I am an exception, then allow me to adapt to this world of yours. If introverts want to make the world a better place, perhaps they need to try harder to attain such naturally outspoken positions in the world. Simply because such influential positions are ones which require outspokenness.

I love this article, and I love how it will make an extrovert try to understand better an introvert. But something about the approach of this article bothers me. If you're an extrovert, then you're an extrovert. Extroverts are wonderful people. We would all do well to balance out our imbalanced personality facets, just as I would do well to try to be more extroverted at times. It's not about being less extroverted and more introverted, no. Rather it's about being more kind and considerate and ethical while working with your strengths. Don't try to change who you are, but do try to be a refined version of who you are which can contribute to humanity.

Be always a perpetually growing version of yourself. Be considerate to those around you who are also flawed and learning to grow, and you know what--sometimes this may mean occasionally compromising yourself, out of love. That's my take.
22nd-Dec-2008 05:30 pm - Feeling..
..so much better.

Isn't it weird how at one point you feel like the world might as well end, and at another point you feel SO MUCH BETTER. I think it really might be wearing off, whatever it is. I'm not going to get too excited, because it comes and goes (and I'm pretty sure it will come back again). I think it goes away, comes back slightly less, goes away, comes back slightly less, goes away, comes back slightly less.. and this will continue to happen until it's completely gone. Theoretically speaking. And by "it" I mean that feeling.

You know that feeling as though there are metal weights tied to your feet and arms as you attempt to proceed through your day, but because such weights are mental rather than "metal"... you often think you are imagining it. "Oh, quit being lazy. You just want to keep making excuses for yourself.. huh. Don't you,".. you tell yourself. However if endurance truly exceeds effort, I am starting to believe that: YOU WOULD CERTAINLY KNOW IT.

Maybe people like me really just have an unfortunate habit of creating obstacles for oneself, but I have discovered my subconscious underlying motive.

I am scared of becoming significantly prideful. MUST DISPOSE OF PRIDE. What's that, are you pointing to a speck of pride on the sleeve of my shirt? AAAHHH GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME.

Allow me to point out that: in suffering there is humility, naturally. A LOT of humility, naturally. What will happen if I am not suffering? I WILL BE THAT MUCH MORE PRONE TO PRIDE. NO. IT CAN'T HAPPEN. I am human, and if there's anything I've learned it is that: mere awareness does nothing to make me immune to inherently human tendencies. NOTHING. IN FACT, I'M JUST AS HELPLESS AS THE NEXT HUMAN. I am SO limited by my humanity. Like everyone else!

We must begin to take preventative measures against pride, as I begin to heal. Sometimes I worry that I may try to seek suffering again. No, I don't want to do that either. I don't want to suffer more than I have to, and I am hoping that I have got past the major chunk of it. Then again, you know of course. God's will... *cringe*. (Jesus I trust in You, Jesus I trust in You).

What to do? I will learn to be happy, but I also will NOT get sucked into pride. How? Lots of prayer, and definitely always remembering to credit God with everything. Not myself. And thoroughly experientially believing it (since it's true).

I also want to try to be as understanding and empathetic toward others as I am humanly capable. I want to try to always be very kind and patient. I figure maybe the faster I can learn this lesson, than the less likely I will need to have God teach me another lesson. No really, I understand suffering. I can understand people! I won't forget, really! I can learn to love them and forgive them despite their shortcomings! I won't forget, and I will do my best to use this life of mine to give fruit for a greater totally God-glorifying purpose (if I'm capable). Nothing totally self-indulgent on my part! No! I will find out what God has given me, take what I need, and distribute the rest to others.

Pleeeease let me be a good person, please don't let me ever forget. I don't want to have to be reminded by even more suffering.

Note to self: You are NOT invincible. You need God. You need God. You need God. You need GOD! YOU NEED HIM SO MUCH. YOU ALWAYS WILL NEED HIM. EVERY SINGLE MOMENT. FOREVER.
22nd-Dec-2008 04:29 pm - Rainbows

An account of my day so far, although a little backwards:

My little sister dropped my mom off, then went to work, and I took the car (which we are all sharing for the time being) home. I honestly and truly don't want to be around Joe more than I have to be (even though he helps me with getting my van fixed and wants to help me sell it), so I'm going to find a full-time job.. which may be easier after Christmas. I think making the effort to say hi to Joe around the house is tolerable, especially since I can find a way to stay away from home again.

I finally put up a fake tree yesterday, in a lame attempt to be more cheerful. The star is always tricky to keep from being crooked, so every year I manage to get it very straight with a chopstick. My mom was getting onto all of our cases for not calling Dad more to say hi and be nice to him. According to Mom, he recently came back from a hospital because of surgery around the brain or something, and my mom was more adamant on my sisters and I calling to say hi to him. The sad part is, my sisters and I continued to act as reluctant as ever. Surgery, hospital, brain, yadda yadda.. what did you say? Oh I guess words like that are supposed to make me care, woops.

I talked with Mrs. O'Hearn earlier before Mom and little sister went to work and I was so happy, too bad I was interrupted by my Mom to come upstairs and hear Mom lecture about how we need to love our dad no matter what. Then hear my little sister say she calls him more than my older sister and I do. Then to hear her my little sister say that older sister and I are "retards" or whatever else she thinks of us, especially since she's the one doing well in school and with a new job selling kitchen appliances and whatnot. Most of us are too tired to fight much anymore, though. I'm pretty convinced my dad is the only reason we ever fought, and is probably the reason why we are still dealing with tension in a low-key sort of way. *shrug* I feel dead inside as usual.

So fastfoward to when my mom and little sister went to work, and I took the car home. I was thinking to myself, "Take up your cross and follow Me. Take up your cross and follow Me. Take up your cross and follow Me." I remembered reading (from the Heaven Speaks booklets) how Jesus said that if we are going to regret anything in heaven, it wouldn't be the suffering but rather not having loved when given the opportunity. So I told myself to be joyful, and I thought, "I give thanks to God," (even though I honestly don't see what to be thankful for. I was trying to convince myself anyway). "It's a nice day, I am here, I am breathing, I am OK. I give thanks God." I tried to trust God, while telling myself, God is not one to overlook me. He WILL make sure that I am always loved. Why am I worried about anything.

Then I started daydreaming about finally doing well in school again. I imagined that I was saying after completing my schooling, "I didn't think I would make it, but I did it." Yes it was that moment that I looked up and saw a lovely rainbow, and not just half of a rainbow. I saw the entire arch of the rainbow, from one end to the other. Last year around beginning of 2007, I was making a lame attempt to study for a test the next day. I also saw a beautiful rainbow, but this one was so bright that people were pointing at it and around corners of streets people were taking pictures of it with their cell phone and cameras. It was so bright that it caught most people off guard. I conclude from all this that I will eventually do well in school again. How about that? Is it wrong to make what is merely a total opinion-based assumption? I think not, as long as it is a step closer toward faith and doesn't lead me away from God.

I neeeeeded to write this. What do you do when you feel like all you have left is hope itself.

22nd-Dec-2008 10:41 am - I miss..
..the O'Hearns.

I miss my CNA class.

I miss the year 2006. With the exception of a friend no longer talking to me,  it was still an unbelievably wonderful year.

I still want to try to figure out what I did right that year, because whatever it was I did it was subconscious. Probably passed on from positive subconscious vibes of those around me. What was it that was so right?

I'm pretty sure I can pin it down to the fact that I was around kind people fairly consistently, on a daily basis.

So I was surrounded by community, but not in lame bouts like now. I was surrounded by community consistently, and I got used to it.

What's wrong with me. I'm so weird. Why.
22nd-Dec-2008 10:37 am - Honesty
It's better for someone to hear of your significant mistakes from your own mouth, rather than from the mouth of others. In my opinion.

Just another reason why honesty is valuable.
20th-Dec-2008 07:22 pm - I get it!!!

I just realized why God won't give me a simple list of to-do's and to-don'ts.

Well, in a sense I suppose we already have that list of to-do's and to-don'ts. We have a good idea of what's sinful and what isn't, but we also know that such expectations are impossible to perfectly live up to.

Jesus says, "Trust me," and "Hand them to Me," or something to that effect and He says other things which, to me, sounds vague. How do I hand my worries to You? I can't put them in a box, label them as "worries", and then physically hand them over to You. I can't even write my return address on the corner along with the recipient being: "God, Heaven." (hmm then again, maybe I could??? the truth is I've never tried it, and most of us haven't..)

I yearn for much more specific (and less abstract) instructions, but He continues to be vague (from my perception anyway). What does He really want?

He wants a relationship! A REALLY intimate relationship! An actual relationship! And we know that a relationship is not based entirely off of a list of specific requirements.

A relationship involves the giving of your heart. Entirely. However you wish to express this entire giving of your heart, well, THAT part is up to you.

God wants my heart, and He wants all of it..

20th-Dec-2008 04:20 pm - How to view others
Love your neighbor as yourself.

You must view everyone (including yourself) in light of the fact that first and foremost, they (including yourself) are a child of God. Regardless of who they are!

You must view everyone this way, regardless of your opinion or relationship toward them. They are flawed, and so are you.

Love them and be patient! Love yourself and be patient!
20th-Dec-2008 04:13 pm - Don't be discouraged
Don't ever be discouraged by your sins. You always have the next moment to try again. Even if you then fall again, and again, and again.

Don't feel as if anything offered up to God is too small. Even walking and breathing immensely glorifies God (yes they are truly incredible very essential acts of life, have you thought of that?)

You can always seek to glorify God on a moment-to-moment basis.

If you fall, that is okay. Try again, because He loves you and desires to help you. You also need to forgive yourself in order to try again. If you have an inkling of a desire to be forgiven, He loves you and He forgives you. God is loving and merciful.
19th-Dec-2008 11:58 am - I am squeezing in another post
Ugh. Please let this be my last one, but this is so important I have to write it. It's very important.

Will I ever be finished with this thing...

Jesus wants us to say yes to Him, and He says He'll do all the work.

Yesterday I was upset, so I said aloud, "But I thought You said You would do all the work. Yes. I AM SAYING YES. YES YES YES."

And then it hit me. In order to say yes to Jesus, I have to die to myself. Not completely (obviously). But dying to myself is a process, and Jesus even said to Anne "holiness is a process". So in little ways, I die to myself. This is how I say "yes" to Jesus.

The reason for this is because if I am not dying to myself, I am not really wanting to hand it over to Jesus. Jesus wants all of me. I say that I want Jesus to take care of everything, and yet I am not giving it to Him. Does that make sense?

Okay, for once I'm going to stop being abstract and give an actual example. So I tend to overanalyze a little compulsively, and this journal was an attempt to record it (what I could of it anyway). I'm too slow, because I think too much. Or I daydream too much. I start books and don't really finish them, because I read something I like and instead of continuing to read more... I'll dissect a point into teeny little pieces. Then maybe I'll dissect those pieces. Why? I guess??.. because it feels safe that way, or thorough, or efficient. I used to take pride in the fact that I will hardly overlook anything!!!!! But in the end, is it worth it?

It wasn't always this bad, I've always had to work to suppress my drifting tendencies as I was convinced they were bad. As a kid I was so self-disciplined, I could sit quietly in the back seat of the school van for what seemed like hours with absolutely no one to talk to.. but I learned to enjoy this since it meant nothing was expected of me. I could do my homework from 4:15pm until midnight almost straight, during middle school, and not make an A minus even while the parents' of kids were complaining about the unrealistic homework load (I didn't even notice)... in addition to eating close to nothing (to this day I don't know how I did all that). I remembered calling my mom to tell her it was hard and I didn't feel like studying so much on a daily basis, to which she responded sternly, "You better do it." When I was 6 I could sit through some of my dad's meetings without saying a word and staying in the exact same position throughout. I could be like this all of the time, during summer camp if we had free activity hour at the pool I would wear huge goggles and spend the entire time lying at the bottom of the shallow end of the pool to stare at the sky from underwater (while coming up to catch my breath whenever needed of course). I could be friends with some kid who rambled for hours on end, it was as if I had almost limitless patience (the question for me often is not whether or not I can achieve patience.. but rather when is the point when it becomes unrealistic? For myself?) While reading aloud a kid's chapter book in class, I could drift while another student (probably a boy) was slowly making out some of the hard words... and then read over to catch up by the time the third student or so got to have a turn. I used to be proud of my seemingly limitless tolerance, it was like I could deal with anything or anyone as long as my identity wasn't being violated or messed with. In other words, if I can always have a good grasp on who I really am, it's as if I can deal with anything. This might explain why my parents and I fought a lot.....

I think I was taught that life was supposed to be hard and it was supposed to feel hard, so as a result I further reinforced onto myself what my parents always implied. That is the danger of a not-so-nurturing family, it's like trying to absorb essential vitamins from dirt. If dirt is all you know of, then you ignore the fruit which freely surrounds you and instead repeatedly try to be nourished by dirt. After graduating from high school I took up the task of trying to suppress my thought-drifting again, and I almost succeeded because of the O'Hearns. I learned to have fun and just, forgot. Then they moved down south, and I was making decent grades in my classes (despite arguments from my, surprisingly formerly psychomom.. now she's a lot consistently nicer??? I thiiink??) By the start of 2007 I thought, "Okay. I am cured, that was kind of incredible. I feel so normal! Alright, time to get back on the wagon and live a super rigid OCD anti-daydreaming lifestyle, because I believe that is the way to get to college. Then I graduate, join a convent, serve God and be charitable like a good Christian, then I die and go to Heaven." I once told a friend proudly during that time, "My entire life is already planned out." It was that year that my downfall began to very slowly occur once again, and I'm pretty sure it was the start of this year that I felt so helpless and rock-bottom.

Suddenly I realized my drifting tendencies weren't so bad, and there was even a reason for it.... which I think just triggered it altogether. This year whole year it seemed to take control of me, because... because my thoughts had validity! So I discovered! I was learning things. But I don't have to do this anymore. I've come to a point where it's no longer productive. This is just lingering now. That last sentence is an example of this. So was that sentence. And that sentence and this sentence. See look I'm doing it! See.

I don't believe this "drifting" problem is necessarily inherent in me, I believe it's just an addiction. If I'm not writing it in my journal, then I'm living with it in my head. I really don't have to do it, it is not as if I don't have a choice in the matter. I do have a choice. I don't know how addicting cigarrette smoking is because I've never done it, but I will use this as a comparison. Yes smoking is addicting, but you don't necessarily have to pick up the cigarrette and light it. Drinking alcohol and watching pornography was addicting for my dad I guess, but he didn't necessarily have to do it. But maybe that is why it's an addiction: you literally have lost control.

Why are people drawn to addictions? I posted something a few entries back on what Jesus said about addictions. I get the impression we hold onto addictions because of fear. He urges us to let go, and to turn to Him. This tells me that we are capable of turning to Jesus, of choosing to turn our focus toward Him somehow. For example, I could consciously do this now by finishing up this entry. I could, maybe for 60 seconds, think about how saying "hi" to my older sister would please Him more than, "How can I do this better? How can I do that better? What am I not doing right? What have I done right in my life so far?? How should I plan my life out??"

The reason I feel hindered is because, I am literally holding back. Jesus says, "Take up your cross and follow Me." This means accepting your cross instead of fighting it, and simply shifting your focus altogether (though in small gradual steps). This is trust.

In order to say "yes" to Jesus, I need to die to myself. I need to die to myself by not focusing on my thinking addiction, instead I need to shift my focus toward Jesus (and I'm sure this will cause me to better selectively control when or when I don't really need to think..... gaaaahhh. As true as this may be, it was once again the result of my compulsive overanalyzing).

I must do it, but it seems really hard/scary and I'm reluctant. But I have to do it, because I want to be a good Christian. I want to be the best that I can be, in whatever has the most truth. In this case, Jesus IS truth. That's my cue. This seems so scary, and I know I'm going to initially seem like a hypocrite because I'm imperfect as you can see. But I have to do it, I have to figure out how to have a relationship with Jesus... especially since... man I tell you. I don't know how the world else I'm going to get through the next 50 years of my life (if I'm called to live that many more years). Man, I'm at least glad I'm not a teenager anymore. I need Jesus.

I once heard some really good advice from this Catholic motivational speaker named Jesse Romero. He once said, "If you encounter sinful temptation... RRUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I will stick with this. I will try to run to Jesus, however you're supposed to do that. But I guess it doesn't matter how, see that's the point. That's part of trusting Him............

EDIT: A note about self-discipline (because me and self-discipline don't always go together very well, at least not in recent days... and I think I know why).

How self-disciplined must you be in order to get through life? Look what you put yourself through as a kid, and what did it do for you Sue? Do you need to nearly kill yourself to be self-disciplined? Unless you're addicted to drugs (in which case even Jesus would help you then), the answer is: no. You shouldn't have to nearly kill yourself in order to be self-disciplined.

Dear Sue, try minimum requirements. You're addicted to efficiency and perfectionism and OCD-inclined thoroughness. Do what you need to for Jesus, and that is good enough. Live in the present and trust Jesus.

LAST NOTE TO SELF: And the best, surest way to be closer to Jesus? PRAYER! Especially if you're like me and are struggling to "die to yourself" in progressively little ways. Prayer, yes prayer (why didn't I think of that..)
19th-Dec-2008 11:57 am - About the Heaven Speaks Booklets

Heaven Speaks booklets

The Church's Position

Anne works within the magisterium of the Church and in complete obedience to her local bishop. Nothing that Anne writes is published without the permission of her bishop or his designated representative.

Bishop Leo O'Reilly of the Diocese of Kilmore in Ireland has assigned a Spiritual Director to work on a full time basis with Direction For Our Times. All writings have been submitted to the bishop and he has given permission for their publication. In addition to the permission for publication, the bishop has submitted the writings to the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith.

Regarding Anne's writings and the organization, Direction For Our Times, the bishop has issued a letter which states:

To Whom It May Concern:
Direction For Our Times (DFOT) is a religious movement founded by "Anne," a lay apostle from our diocese who wishes to remain anonymous. The movement is in its infancy and does not as yet enjoy canonical status. I have asked a priest of the diocese, Fr. Darragh Connolly, to assist in the work of the movement and to ensure that in all its works and publications it remains firmly within the teaching and practice of the Catholic Church.

I have known "Anne," the founder of the movement, for several years.  She is a Catholic in good standing in the diocese, a wife and mother of small children, and a woman of deep spirituality. From the beginning, she has always been anxious that everything connected with the movement be subject to the authority of the Church. She has submitted all her writings to me and will not publish anything without my permission. She has submitted her writings to the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith and I have done so, as well.

In so far as I am able to judge, she is orthodox in her writings and teaching. Her spirituality and the spiritual path that she proposes to those who wish to accept it are in conformity with the teachings of the Church and of the great spiritual writers of the past and present.

+Leo O'Reilly
Bishop of Kilmore
16 June 2006

Heaven Speaks to Those Who Do Not Know Jesus
December 21, 2006
I am Jesus. I am God. I am complete in Myself. I am present in your world and I am present in heaven. You see, I am omnipresent. Even if you wish to, you cannot remove yourself from My presence on earth. I created earth. You might say the earth belongs to Me. All in it, are also My creation. You, dear beloved one, were created by Me. Do I say that you belong to Me? I say it in another way. I say, I want you to belong to Me. I want to possess your heart. Why do I use the word heart when truly it is your soul that I seek? I use the word heart because people characterize the heart as the place where people hold the love they possess. If you have love, people say you have it in your heart. The heart is known as the source of love and the receptacle of love, so I, Jesus, tell you that I want to possess your heart. When it is all simplified, as it should be, I am saying that I want you to love Me. I love you. There is no problem there. I love you today and I will always love you. A difficulty We have is that you do not know Me. The only way for Me to teach you to love Me is for Me to reveal Myself to you, to allow you to know Me. For that reason I come to you today. I reveal Myself to you through these words and through the graces attached to them. If you read these words and sit in silence, you will begin to know Me. If you begin to know Me, truly, you will begin to love Me. Forget anything that tempts you to move away from these words and graces. Rest. Be with Me. Allow Me to teach you about Myself.

In your world today, there are many claims of goodness. Some of these claims are true. Some of these claims are false. I, Jesus, am not present in lies. I do not rest in falseness. Truth has a pure feel to it and truth does not change. If you want to find truth, look back over time and see what claims of truth have preserved. What are the things that were true two thousand years ago? You will find them if you look to see what has preserved through the ages. Two thousand years ago, it was true that I came to bring salvation. Today, that is still true. I came then and I come today. I come for your salvation. I come so that you will be saved. I come so that where there is falseness, where you are being deceived, I will be present with My truth.

Two thousand years ago, there was evil in the world. Today, evil persists alongside good. Does this mean evil is good? Has truth changed? No. Just as truth never changes, so evil does not change. Evil simply changes its disguise. I, God, have not changed my character. When you first know someone, you know a few things about them. As you get to know someone better, you learn more. Over time and with consistent interaction, you begin to know someone well and you can then say that you understand that person.

I want you to understand Me. I am truth. To know Me, Jesus, you will have to know what is true and what is false. I will teach you this but it is not something that I can teach you all at once. Truth, in its great depth, must be absorbed gradually. For this reason I invite you to keep company with Me. If you do, I will teach you all you need to know to distinguish between the truth in your world and the deceit in your world. I will teach you to separate good from evil at a glance. I am the great Teacher, the Divine Teacher. With Me comes the light necessary for instant instruction on any given topic. You may say, "Give it to me all at once, God. If You are who You say, You can do that."

You are correct. I could do that, such is My power. But you, My friend, are not disposed to accept such an experience because My truth is all about love. Your little heart must be expanded first. We have to make room for all of this truth, which is filled with love. I want you to embark with Me on a journey. Walk with Me. Allow Me to draw you into your soul, into the mystical nature of yourself. Come to Me there so I can introduce you to the great truths about your family, the family of God. You will find such acceptance there. When you rest in My gaze in your soul, you will understand about love. You will, at the same time, understand about heaven, your ultimate home. I am calling to you now and I know that you hear Me. Come to Me. Stay with Me. Give Me the briefest chance to reveal Myself to you.

As I draw you into the mystical nature of yourself, I draw you into My heart. My heart and your heart belong together. When you are with Me, you feel calm and accepted. You feel oneness with others because you experience community in your soul. If I am with each man as I am with you, then you are connected to each man through Me. Do you begin to understand the family of God? I love every man created. I have a good plan for every man created. This is My truth and, as you recall, I can never be where there is deceit. If I have a good agenda for every man created, and I have a good agenda for you, you are safe with Me and all mankind is safe with Me. If connected to Me, each person will serve his time on earth in mystical union with every other person and in mystical union with all of the saints in heaven. We are all connected. After this time of service, each man connected to Me comes home to Me and home to the family that loves him, awaits him, and welcomes him. There is no bad will on heaven's side. There is only acceptance and truth. I have such hope for you, My friend. All of your gifts originate in God and are an outgrowth of God's goodness. If you learn to understand Me, you will learn that I want to use your gifts to create harmony in your soul. When you use your gifts and energy for My purposes, you will benefit the whole world. It must be so because I have said it is so and I can speak only the truth. We are all connected. Would you like to benefit the world? Truly, you are capable of this and this is My plan for you. I have so much to give to you in terms of knowledge and wisdom. Teamed with Me, you will flourish and grow to heights you never dreamed possible. Rejoice. You are resting with God, the God of All. This God tells you today that you are loved and needed.

Follow this path that springs up before you. Come to Me. Turn in My direction and I will reveal this path that I want you to take. You will feel lightness in your spirit, a relief. You will feel calm. Inside there will quietly burst forth a bud of hope. This bud will blossom, have no fear. The hope you feel in your soul is nourished by the time you spend with Me, seeking truth. I will see to it all. I need the smallest, even the most tremulous willingness. You are hesitant to believe in Me. I know that. I understand everything that has gone before this moment in your life. Remember that I have all universal truth available to Me. In that respect, am I not a valuable person for you to know? Could you admit that I am possibly the most valuable person you could ever know? If you knew of someone on earth who had all truth about everything, who understood the purest facts and possessed the cleanest, most pristine vision of reality imaginable, would you not seek out this person's company? If you were wise, you would do so. If you were a man who desired truth, you would do so. If you were weary of lies and falseness, you would do so. My friend, if you seek truth, you must come with Me. If you seek acceptance, you must come to Me. If you want to be loved, you must rest in My heart because it is the only place where you will find the perfect security you crave. I am with you. I will never leave you. You could not escape My presence, even if you wanted to. You may as well get to know me better so that you can decide whether you will reject Me or accept Me. This is the ultimate choice that will be yours. Just as you cannot escape My presence, you cannot escape this choice. It is yours. I want you to consider your options.

My friend, this is between you and Me. By "this" I refer to this conversation and your ultimate decision of whether to accept Me or reject Me. When you are asked to make an important decision on earth, you consider your options. You take time and weigh both sides. Perhaps you waver between one course and another. I want you to consider both sides of this decision. If you accept Me, you will have entry into the most loving and secure family of all. If you accept Me, you will have security for the rest of your life in that I will lay out the course in front of you, guiding you, protecting you, and never leaving you. If you accept Me, you will come to Heaven in triumph, bring with you the greatest benefits that your cooperation secured for your family. You will walk in truth and in calm. Your life on earth will not suddenly become easy, but it will be filled with God's peace and God's grace.

If you reject Me, you will continue on, vulnerable to the deceit of my enemy. You will delude yourself at times, thinking that you are wise. Perhaps you will feel superior to many of your brothers and sisters, but I tell you today, in all of My truth, that the most humble one in heaven holds all of God's mysteries in his soul. You will not be privy to these mystical realities if you reject Me. How could you be if you did not want to be?

I conclude with one of the greatest truth of all and that is that I do not force My children to choose Me. I do not force humanity to work for heaven. If I did, we would not have a family, but a master and his slaves. No. This is not for Me and this is not for you. The heavenly Kingdom would not be the heavenly Kingdom if it were not filled with willing and beloved children. Everyone in heaven works for each other in great joy. Everyone in heaven works for our family members on earth in great hope. As you read these words, there is great hope in heaven that you will choose Me, Jesus Christ, and embark upon the journey to truth. It is here for you. I have truth and I have a course laid out for you that will bring you to this destination. I love you. I will take care of you. Choose Me and I will begin to reveal Myself to you. You will know peace, My friend. You will know security. You will know joy for all eternity. This is your inheritance and I am your God. Allow nothing to divert you from the truth that I am Jesus Christ and I love you. I come today to announce Myself to you and to save you. Come. Trust Me. Be with Me. I will protect you.
19th-Dec-2008 10:31 am - Heaven Speaks
Heaven Speaks to Those Who Experience Tragedy
December 12, 2006
Life on earth is filled with change. If you look back on any life, you can see marking points where that life changed. Sometimes change comes in a predictable and expected manner, as in the movement into a vocation for which a person prepared. Sometimes, change comes in an abrupt manner, as in situations where a person is injured or dies unexpectedly. It is this, the change viewed as a tragedy, that I wish to discuss today. My friend, there are events in every life that stand out as difficult and life-altering. This tragedy, this abrupt change of course, will stand out to you, I know. When you feel a sense of shock, a sense of stunning upset in your life, you must look for Me. I am there. I do not remain with My children, day after day, and then abandon them when they most need my support. Your grief is understandableand I will support you in it. You will not always understand why I allowed a certain thing to happen. In your expected inability to understand, you will challenge Me. You will say, “God, how could You have allowed this? God, where are You? God why have You abandoned us?” My friends, bring those questions directly to Me because I, Myself, am the most sympathetic listener when it comes to these heartfelt cries of anguish. You see, I cried these cries Myself. In My humanity, on the cross, I felt abandoned. In My humanity, on the cross, I questioned the value of God’s plan. From My viewpoint, nailed to a piece of wood and raised aloft as a subject of total rejection and derision, it appeared that I suffered more than anyone. It appeared that none could know the extent of My pain. My beloved child, I tell you this so that you will understand that I, your Savior, grasp the depth of your pain. I will walk you through each moment of anguish, surrounding you with heaven’s graces. No. You will not be left to walk alone through this tragedy.

Heaven Speaks To Those Who Struggle To Forgive
December 13, 2006
How blessed I am that you take a moment to read these words. I am God. I am complete, and yet your simple act of reading My words gives Me glory. You are important to Me and you are important to My family, which includes all men of good will. Because I love you and because I need your help, I wish to give you the opportunity to find greater peace in your heart. It is clear to Me that many suffer from hidden wounds. The only way for these wounds to heal is for the carrier of the wound to forgive the one who inflicted the injury. My dear child, this can be difficult. When a wound finds a home in the heart, it becomes comfortable there. It must be loosened and shifted. Both a willingness to forgive and a spirit of forgiveness are necessary because it is these things that make the wound uncomfortable. The wound then begins to dislodge. This reawakens the pain but only temporarily until the wound is removed altogether. I want to begin this process in you. If you proceed in the process of forgiveness with Me, you will find that forgiveness floods your heart. Your wounds will be gone. I have the power to heal every one of your wounds. When you try to do this alone, you do not experience success and you find that bitterness persists. Bitterness characterizes My enemy. Forgiveness characterizes Me. You, a beloved little child of God, seek to find peace in your heart. You will only find peace if you step into the stream of goodness. This stream is like a river of grace with which I desire to bathe you, removing all pain and injury. What will remain in your soul is joy. This joy, this heavenly peace, will be obtained by accepting your flaws and accepting the flaws of others. You see, My friend, if you accept the flaws and sins of others, you will soften in attitude toward yourself. I love you. I accept you. I need you to accept yourself so that you will be at peace in My Kingdom and it is through forgiving others that you will find acceptance of your own humanity.

Heaven Speaks to Those Who Suffer from Financial Need
December 17, 2006
I speak today with such love in My heart. There are those among you who suffer from financial need. You do not have enough money to sustain your family. Perhaps you do not have what you need to buy food or to pay for your shelter needs. My friends, you are not forgotten. Heaven will not abandon you. I see your distress and recognize your need. I want to ask you to look at your situation fearlessly. Ask yourself if you are in real danger of going without food. Are you in real danger of losing your place of shelter? Consider these two things as your basic needs. I am asking that you begin to think of your time on earth differently. Consider exactly what your body needs to continue in service to Me. Some of My children on earth have been blessed with great abundance. In some cases this great abundance has created a craving for more that is undermining heaven’s goals for the soul. Additionally, this craving for more has become a distraction, diverting some of God’s children from the task of growing in holiness. My beloved ones, if this describes you, if you routinely have enough food to eat and a safe place to rest, yet you continue to worry about money, then you must change your standard immediately. What will you do when it comes time to leave all of this? Will you object when Jesus does not supply you with these extra things in heaven? You may not want to come to heaven because there is no excess of material goods here. This is silly, of course, and I am being playful with you but please try to understand My point. Excessive material goods are a distraction. If you have financial needs that can be rectified by cutting back on your standard of living, do so at once. I will help you and I promise you this today because this is very important for you and for your family. I am asking all to reconsider their needs and use less when possible. For those who cannot sustain basic food and shelter needs, I have something else to say. You are loved. You should ask Me to send help and I will begin to do so at once. My beloved children, I did not create you to go hungry. I did not create you to sleep in circumstances that prevent safety. I want you to know that during My time on earth, I often experienced hunger. I very often did not have a place to rest My head. Indeed, I was born into poverty and I understand poverty of the physical type. I want you to know something today. Financial poverty, physical need, does not equal spiritual poverty, meaning spiritual need. I am saying that you can be far wealthier than any king or queen, even if you are the poorest of the poor. Perhaps you are hungry more than you are fed. Perhaps you have no home. My beloved child, you will have a beautiful home here in heaven and in it you will entertain your loved ones with great bounty. You will have enough of everything in heaven and you will be treated as a royal personage by Me, your Jesus. Your time of poverty on earth prepares you for a time of great wealth in heaven. You must accept your circumstances in peace, even while you try to change these circumstances. I will not accept that you did not want to work to support yourself or your family. That is not  an acceptable reason to suffer need. I want you to try to sustain yourself and those for whom you are responsible. But if, through no fault of your own you suffer poverty, I assure you today that if you accept this in peace I will reward you beyond your furthest imaginings. In places where people are poor, I am there with My greatest graces. Dear beloved ones,  believe Me today when I tell you that people who come to heaven do not regret anything they suffered on earth. Rest in this thought. You will not regret your sufferings. You will only regret the times you failed to love. Ask Me for help and I will help you. Be at peace. You have not been abandoned.

Heaven Speaks To Young Adults
June 27, 2005
I, Jesus Christ, cry out to all who read these words. Come back to Me. Come back to the side of goodness and kindness. I will send every grace necessary for your complete healing and conversion. I will care for your every need. Trust Me, Jesus, and you will be saved. All is well. God’s kingdom comes. (Jesus revealed His wishes that a youth division of Direction for Our Times be formed. This is for souls after Confirmation until the age of 24. Jesus will grant very special graces to these souls to assist them in rejecting the darkness). Through these young apostles I will flow powerful conversion graces to draw other young souls from darkness. My plan for young men and women is immense. Truly, the renewal will leap forward with the assistance of these individuals. Am I calling you? Yes. I am calling you. You feel the stirring in your soul as you read these words. I am with you. I will never leave you. Join My band of young apostles and I will give you joy and peace that you have never known. All courage, all strength will be yours. Together, we will reclaim this world for the Father. I will bless your families and all of your relationships. I will lead you to your place  in the kingdom. Only you can complete the tasks I have set out for you. Do not reject Me. I am your Jesus. I love you.

Heaven Speaks to Those Away from the Church
December 9, 2006
I call out to those who have left My Church. Come back, I say. Return to the safety of the sacramental walk. It will be best for you and I want only what is best for you. Be assured of My welcome. Be assured that I want your return. Do not think that you are unwelcome in your faith. How could this be when I, Jesus Christ, personally call out to you? My Church on earth represents Me. It is My Church and belongs to Me. When the people of My Church accurately represent Me, you feel cherished. I want to restore you to your Church and I want to restore your Church to you. You see, My friend, it is best for you, given your call to holiness, that you proceed on the path that is protected by My Church on earth. I have so many ways to help you if you are following your faith within the protection of My Church. My Church has suffered, it is true. My Church continues to suffer. Part of the reason My Church is suffering is because you are away from it. My Church needs you. My Church wants you. You must return. Beloved child, I am asking you, indeed, I am pleading with you to consider your circumstances. If there are reasons that inhibit a full return to the sacraments for you, I ask that you discuss these reasons with one of My priests. I will protect your desire to return to the sacraments. I will not reduce the standards of My Church for your circumstances but I will help you to adapt your circumstances to those standards. “What is Jesus saying?” you ask yourself. Let Me be more clear. This time on earth is a time when so many have compromised with standards of behavior that the compromised standards have become the norm. I cannot and will not accept this. I do not accept this. If I were to accept this, I would have to change all of heaven and all of those who have served in times before you. Also, I would have to jeopardize the future of all those who come after you. My friend, listen to Me. Hear My words because My words are truth. Reject the rebelliousness of My enemy. Accept that you are called to follow Me and raise your behavior to My standards. I will help you. You will be welcome in heaven if you accept that I am God. You will have to accept that I am God in order to gain heaven, of course. Will you not accept this fact now, before your time on earth is finished? Will you return to Me now given that ultimately you hope to do so? My heart longs for your peace. I see everything. If you have been hurt by those who claimed to represent My Church but who failed, I will heal you. Do not use this hurt as a reason why you step away from all that I offer for you through My Church. This has taken you in the wrong direction and others walk behind you. Please, come into My Church. It belongs to Me, after all. You are welcome, regardless of your sins.

Heaven Speaks About Addictions
July 27, 2005
My dear soul, you are chosen to serve in the Kingdom of God. Nothing can refute this statement. I am Jesus and I need you to help Me. There is a temptation to believe that you will have many days in which to serve heaven. Because of this temptation, souls feel they can languish at times, certain that while they do not serve completely today they will do so tomorrow. Well, tomorrow is not what I am calling you to. I am calling you into this day, today. This is the time to let go of any habit that is pulling you away from Me and pulling you away from service to Me. Dear apostle, you must give Me your addiction. It can never be a good thing to be overly attached to something that dulls your ability to love. Look into your soul right now. You will find that I am looking back at you. You know that I am asking you to put aside this addiction. You have known this for some time. The day is today. I am not looking for service in tomorrow. You may never see tomorrow because that is how life on earth is designed. Man never knows when he will be called home to heaven. There is a part of you that is fearful. You fear that you cannot be happy without this addiction. Will you believe Me when I tell you that it is quite the opposite? You cannot be happy with the addiction because it is numbing you from experiencing Me. I am in other people. I am in your loved ones. But you are putting this addiction in a place above Me and consequently above your loved ones, as well as others. Dearest apostle, I will take this addiction from you. I will do this for you, if you let Me. But you have to be willing to accept My grace in your soul. I will do all of the difficult work, the work that you fear. You will remain in the present, in each moment, and you will have grace enough to walk away from this dependence. That is My promise.

Heaven Speaks to Those Who Have Rejected God
December 14, 2006
I speak today with the greatest seriousness. My beloved one, you were created by God. God did not create you to reject your place in His family. You are important in this family, which includes all of mankind. To cast yourself out of God’s love is to cast yourself out of your family. You object to this, telling yourself that you do not reject mankind, only the Creator of mankind. My friend, this is like reaching into your chest and removing your heart with the goal of rejecting your heart but accepting your body. The body will not function without the heart. It cannot. In the same way, the family of God cannot function without the sustaining hand of the Father. Even the earth would fail to exist if the Father were to withdraw His benevolence. Your rejection of God proceeds from anger. You move to deny this. Perhaps you cite scientific evidence that claims to supplant God’s existence. When you die in your body and you come before Me, Jesus Christ, you will be dazzled by the extent of what humanity does not know. The body of knowledge on earth at this time, while exciting for you, is miniscule when seen against the light of the full truth that you will be allowed to explore in heaven. I bless all science of good will. God has been merciful in the extreme through science. Many men have studied science and been brought to a profound respect for the Creator through the knowledge they have gained. They will continue this study in heaven, of course, and be blessed even more. Additionally, many men who study science have served their family, humanity, profoundly through their cooperation with Me in their studies. Do you understand? They cooperate with God and God, through that cooperation, blesses humanity. It is arrogance on the part of mankind to believe that they have discovered anything that I did not wish for them to discover. You, as one of God’s created ones, must come to accept that those using science to subvert Godly principles are working against the Creator. They will be accountable for any damage done to the Kingdom of God. I am merciful to those who repent and I will be merciful to you. I speak to you today, not to condemn, but to save. I am with you. Do not reject Me.

Heaven Speaks About Depression
August 8, 2005
I send the greatest graces of courage to all who read these words. My children in the world can become discouraged and sad. Dearest little ones, if you are this way, you must come to Me and rest your worries in My heart. I do not like to see you sad, even though life can be difficult. You feel you are alone and that is part of the reason why you feel such sadness. But you are never alone because I never leave you. To leave you would be acting against My very nature and such a thing is impossible. I am with you now, as you read these words, and I minister to your wounded heart with graces of love and courage. Continue on and I will send you relief. I have told you this and you must believe Me. It would also be acting against My nature to tell an untruth, so you may believe Me and trust Me when I say this to you. I will send you relief. Bring all of your sadness to Me. Pour it out to Me. I will listen and I will continue to listen for days and days and on into eternity if necessary. I have the time, My beloved apostle. I am not too busy to listen to you. You may cry if you wish because I assure you, when I lived upon the earth, I also cried. Pain is unavoidable until you arrive in heaven. You are not the only one who suffers in this way. There are many souls in your world today who are suffering the sadness that you are feeling. Your world does not always nourish souls. Only I, the Divine Healer, can  heal you. I can give you nourishment that will set your soul alight again. Come to Me in all trust. Be patient, while I see to your wounds and hurts. You did not become sad like this in a moment. Come to Me all throughout your day and allow Me to help you carry this heavy cross of sadness.

Heaven Speaks About Stress
August 9, 2005
My children, why do you hurry so? Why do you feel you must move so quickly through your days? This is not the way I intended the children of God to live. You may tell Me that you have many things to do. I respond to you by saying that you are trying to do too much. You will not be holy if you move so quickly. I want My beloved apostles to move more slowly and thoughtfully through their days. I want you to make decisions on what I am asking you to do and what you are busying yourself with is not from Me. I want your way of life to change and I am asking you to make this change now. In the next week, think about each activity and decide, with Me, if it is something I want you to do or something you want to do. My dearest apostles, I ask that you begin to remove activities that do not further My will. I want more time in silence, as you know. I want more time with families, without noise blocking you from each other. I want prayer, yes, but also conversations that are not hurried and stressed between husbands and wives, brothers and sisters, and parents and children. These are the souls I have decided you will walk through your life with and you have obligations to them. If you are too busy with your own will, you are not seeing to Mine and you are missing opportunities both to learn from others and to assist others in learning about Me. If you do not pay heed to Me, who will? In order for the renewal to come, My beloved apostles must begin to seek only heaven's will in their days. And I am talking to you and calling you My apostles. Do not look to someone else or assume I am speaking to others. I am speaking to you.

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